Forgive Yourself

I cheated on my college boyfriend, in his parents house. It’s the worst thing I’ve ever done. Just writing it makes my face flush with shame. I was 19 years old. I loved him deeply but I thought he was too good for me so I spectacularly sabotaged myself, us. I broke his heart. I killed our relationship. I still, all these years later, have dreams about him. In the dreams I ask for his forgiveness. I also feel the love I use to feel from him. It was so strong, so safe, so healing, unlike anything I had ever felt before, from anyone. It’s taken me over 20 years to truly forgive myself. I declared my karma paid in full after my marriage ended. Is there something you can’t forgive yourself for? Can I just give you a virtual hug and say, sweetheart, it’s time to forgive yourself? Change the behavior, move forward, do your best. We are all just doing our best with the tools we’ve been given and the ones we create. Spending your life in shame is not what is meant for you. Tell one person you trust the thing you can’t forgive, then let it go. That is how you will heal. Punishing yourself only makes it worse. Forgive yourself sweetheart. As Maya Angelou said: when you know better, you do better. Do better.